It’s that time again. What time you ask…well, it’s time for OBS Tacky Merchandise.  This week we will be highlighting Tacky Merchandise pertaining to all things ‘Fantasy’. Get your mind out of the gutter, not that type of fantasy, more like dragons and unicorns.  Sorry to disappoint you, but rest assured you will enjoy this one. Again, you might find some items you actually like, and that’s okay.

UNICORN CROSSING SIGN

We started off with a sign last time, so we might as well this time. This sign is a collector’s item and it’s waterproof, just in case you want to stake it down near your property and confuse or delight everyone driving by your house. Or…it can be used indoors. I mean, what if your reading “The Last Unicorn’, and the unicorn pops out, pulling a Jumanji on you. A sign as such would be most needed. I think we’d rather have a vampire crossing sign…or rather Vampire Can’t Cross sign, because vamps are in, and because it’s funnier.  Can’t Cross, get it…you need to invite them in. Oh…forget it.

FAIRY DUST UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA

The description sells itself: “Now, you can prove your expertise and take pride in your passion with an official Fairy Dust University Diploma certificate from our humorously fictional college! It may be completely fake but you (or anyone else) would never know by looking at it. It looks so completely real that you will be amazed. It even has an official gold embossed foil seal for added authenticity!”

You want all your friends to think you’re uneducated? Then certainly do take pride in your fake ridiculous diploma. You earned that gold embossed foil seal of authenticity of absolutely nothing.  Heck, hang it in your office. I’m sure that would go over well with your clients. You won’t even need a hammer and a nail, you can just twinkle your fake fairy nose and poof, it’s hung.

FANTASY DRAGON MEN’S SPORTS WATCH

What every fantasy geek, Dungeons and Dragon playing, guy or girl needs (even though it states it’s a men’s watch, it is unisex). Show off your stainless steel hunk of fire breathing brilliance to all your fellow dragon loving friends. There’s a plus…it’s replete with the Devil’s Star. Just the piece of jewelry that would make Anton Levy proud and scare away any of the straight-laced friends you might have left.

FANTASY DECORATION HANGING 6” SCARY SKULL

Really? It’s a decoration? Maybe if your Captain Spaulding. It’s more like a Halloween mask! However, I could see this fitting right in a special effects assistant’s home. But other than that, if it were any larger the only place it should decorate is your face. What about that price? $17 dollars? This item on e-bay is from Thailand. I thought things were cheaper in Asia. Or is that just China? I’d stick with a $4 dollar CVS or Walgreens Halloween mask than spend any money on this overpriced decorative product. 

PLEASURE SEX FANTASY STONE

The description:

This Vampire Blood Stone Draws the Object of your Desire to you completely! Experience Wild, Passionate Days and Long, Erotic Nights! Whether you are searching for a New Someone Special, or are wanting to rekindle the Flames of Love, this Magic Amulet is for You! The Brilliantly Faceted Vampire’s Blood Stone is an Exceptional Garnet, with Ancient Vampire Magic!

Ancient vampire magic???? Yea… I think one needs to be stoned to think this stone will work that kind of magic. I have a bridge in China I want to sell to you too…interested???

DIRGIBLE BUMPER STICKER

Do you still put bumper stickers on you car, standing strong and mighty against the idea that it might hinder the re-sale factor – …then this might be for you. The only thing is, most of the population will ‘not get it’, so what the hell is the point. If they have to squint and cause a minor traffic accident to creep up on your vehicle to figure out what the graphic is on the sticker… then your just a road hazard waiting to happen.

HANDCRAFTED TROLL PENDANT

Ok, I’m trying hard not to laugh and if you can’t figure out why, I won’t tell you. But let’s just say it fits in with Fantasy and with Phallusy. I’ll shut my mouth now. Besides which, it’s ugly. I know trolls are supposed to be, but why would you want to wear an ugly troll around your neck. 

BURGUNDY MAGIC COUCH AND MIRROR SET

Fairy not included.

Wow, I’m kind of speechless, yet quite intrigued. Dare I say, we might like this? I can see this in a tattoo artist’s lair, it would fit in perfectly. But for everyday living, it’s a bit much.

STRIP FANTASY GLASSES (circa 1984)

Ok, ok, it’s not exactly ‘fantasy’ in the sense that we speak of…but I’m adding it for its mucho tacky factor. If you own these, or want to own these, please go back to living in your parent’s basement. Please! What? Your still there. Woops. Thought so.

This concludes the OBS Tacky Merchandise Fantasy Edition. We hoped you enjoyed. Please do comment, we’d love to hear your thoughts. Also, let us know the type of merchandise you would like to see in the future…ideas are most welcome.

See you next time.