Just like with vampires, the love of zombies will never die, and neither do they. These supernatural creature won’t be going away any time soon, whether it be through art, film or products. This month Open Book Society takes a look at Tacky Merchandise involving zombies. As we always stipulate, you just might like some of these items and would even purchase them. However we won’t hold it against you.
Fake Eyeball Gauge Earring
No adult in their right mind would wear these, except on Halloween. We like how the description needed to tell us they are fake. Lose (normal) friends and win ghoulish enemies with these beauties.
Samantha and Darren The Zombie Couple
The only way these would work is if you embellish on where you got them. Tell everyone they are actual shrunken heads from a tribe in Amazon Rain Forest, given to you by the head chief of the tribe and you could possibly get away with owning these tacky items.
With this dress you’ll either cause of mob scene, or you’ll get arrested for murder before you can say the word ‘Zombie’. Anyone can do this to their clothing, why would we need to buy a cute dress totally ruined?
Left For Dead First Aid Pin
Silvertone charm pin with Left 4 Dead plastic first aid and health enhancements charms (one sided only, back is plain white). Includes: First Aid Kit, Adrenaline Shot, Pain Pills and Defibrillator. One word…why? Now, if it came with all these items in miniature then it would be pretty darn cool.
Virgin Mary Zombie
I don’t think anyone remotely religious would appreciate this Zombie Virgin Mary necklace that looks like a rosary. It would offend more than it would be a cool conversation piece, therefore we deem it tacky!
Zombie Salt Shaker
Kinda looks like Puff the Magic Dragon. Where’s the blood and gore? (It is a great attempt, but it’s more cute than ghoulish)) for that but we’d have to pass on this.
Dismember Me Plushy
We’re not sure if this is tacky, or awesome. We’d say tacky for children and awesome for adults. I don’t think a small child would appreciate a toy that breaks into pieces. Poor thing will think you broke it and start wailing. That’s never a good thing.
‘HOW TO SPEAK ZOMBIE’ BOOK
Learn how to say “Mmmmmgggrrr….brrrrrraaaaiinnsss”, just in case one you meet a Zombie. One of the Zombieland rules did not include speaking to them. You just need to run for your life not hold a conversation with one.
GLOW IN THE DARK ZOMBIE PLAY SET
Perfect for the child who’s into the macabre. Or the adult who never grew up. They remind me of those Homies figurines (which I have a whole bag of mind you…don’t ask.) If you owned both you can organize a play date with the two. Oya vato!
CRAWLING ZOMBIE TOY
Take it one step further and get this monstrosity. Scare the crap out of your kid sister next time she acts up. Play this sucker in her bed and watch the hilarity ensue. Like The Clapper, you clap your hands or tap it’s hand and the Crawling Zombie comes to life racing across a flat surface and it talks! How delightfully evil and tacky.
UNDEAD JEWELRY: ZOMBIE BEAR CHARM
Wear this and you just might blend into the Zombie hipster crowd. I almost feel sorry for it. It looks so creepy yet sad. I can’t look at it. There is more were these came from if your into this kind of jewelry.
DATE A ZOMBIE
We saved the best for last…
If your pool of potential dates has dried up and all hope is lost…there is hope for you. Zombie Harmony. Find that person someone, even if they’re dead. Tacky but hilarious!
We hope you enjoyed this edition of OBS Tacky Merchandise, see you next month.