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MOVIE REVIEWS: LEGION

Brought to you by OBS staff member Rose

Name: Legion
Rated: R
Running Time: 100 minutes

Director: Scott Stewart

Synopsis
At a run down diner in the middle of nowhere, strangers band together to save each other, but more importantly a young woman named Charlie and her unborn child, when angels attack the world.

Review
That’s about as well as I can sum up this films’ synopsis. It is sad, because this movie had so much potential and it was extremely disappointing.

God has lost faith in mankind; the violence, destruction and death we cause, you know the normal things. So what does God do…sends angels to earth to exterminate the human race. The archangel Michael (played by Paul Bettany) is seen landing painfully on earth, and his wings are clipped.  It is obvious he is on a mission, but one that has changed; instead of destroying mankind, he intends to save it, but not before a run in with the LAPD.  Charlie (played by Adrianne Palicki) is then introduced, a waitress who is about eight months pregnant and works at a Diner in Tumbleweed Deserted Land, with Jeep (Lucas Black) and Bob Hanson (Dennis Quaid).  The only thing we know about her is she’s young, the baby’s father is not in the picture and Jeep loves her, but she doesn’t know it yet. She is torn over keeping this child that she truly doesn’t want. It is just a regular day at the diner, with a couple (John Tenney and Kate Walsh) and their wayward daughter (Willa Holland) waiting for their broken down car to get fixed, the lone stranger (Tyrese Gibson) and (Charles S. Dutton) the diner’s cook, Jeep and Bob, all present when in walks sweet little Miss Innocent Ol’ Lady and all hell breaks loose, for Miss Lil Ol’ is actually possessed and proceeds to climbs walls and bite one of the other customers. It’s all downhill from there.

Michael arrives on scene, with the sole purpose of saving Charlie’s baby, because the future of mankind depends on it. Why? We have no idea, it is never explained. After Michael’s arrival it turns into a formulaic horror film where one by one, each character gets offed.

The dialogue is painful. Mashed in between fighting scenes, it tries to infuse an underlying theme of ‘hope’, make us have sympathy and care for the characters, instead your waiting in anticipation for them to finish their pity party sob story, because the action is the only thing that keeps you focused.   The ice cream truck man, who elongates his arms and proceeds to crawl arachnid-style was pretty damn cool if for a fleeting moment, but was shown simply for special effects purposes and belonged in an another movie entirely. The possessed humans are more like zombies than angels in that they attack by biting. Oh and they don’t fly, their preferred method of travel to the diner is by car.

The rest of the movie is a jumble of gun fighting, explosions, car wrecks, characters trying to overcome self induced obstacles, the good angel vs. the bad angel, a premature birth and other things that don’t make any sense whatsoever. God just point me to the closest Exit sign!  The ending was confusing and predictable all at once, if that is even possible.  After the confusion, that sappy happy ending and that practical ray of sunshine beaming on screen, you might as well have them run across a meadow and embrace. I just saw the movie and it’s starting to fade from my memory. By this time tomorrow I’d have forgotten most of it. Forget Michael’s clipped wings, this entire movie couldn’t get off the ground.

Rating: 4/10 stars