Vampires Suck

Brought to you by OBS staff member Annabell Cadiz

Vampires Suck is a spoof made parody at poking fun at the Twilight movies. You would expect from the title the movie would offer humor toward various vampire movies made throughout the last couple of years but instead all you get is a movie with vulgar useless humor and a redundant plotline.

Opening with the same beginning of New Moon and progressing backwards toward Twilight then bouncing between scenes from the two movies, Vampires Suck had no dimension to offer. The jokes fall completely flat. I chuckled about three times but never laughed out loud. There is a small part where Director’s Friedberg and Seltzer poke fun at Alice in Wonderland (she gets shot by Edward Sullen and falls into the rabbit hole) and of the next upcoming movie in the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn, where Becca’s friend needs someone to explain to her why a movie about a girl falling in love with a vampire and having a baby is worth watching (a review I agree with!). But for the most part Vampires Suck was pretty much a summary of everything Twilight related.

Vampires Suck is a ridiculously over the top comedy at the absurd melodrama lovers of Twilight eat up so easily . Vampires Suck just proves a book-turned-into-movie franchise doesn’t really mean it ever had a GOOD plotline to begin with in order to become wildly successful (i.e. The mysterious bad boy who’s in reality a good guy at heart, the fact that EVERY guy would be lusting after a girl who has not a SINGLE drop of personality within her!). Jean Proske does a MARVELOUS job of capturing, Kristen Stewart’s Bella Swan character– the downward gazes, the lower lip biting, the constant hair tucking, the obsession with sex, the lack of smarts– Jean Proske as Becca is actually quite entertaining to watch!

For Twilight lovers everywhere, this is not a movie for you. For the die hard Twilight haters, this probably won’t be enough for you. For everyone in between, who is tired of books and movies aimed at female characters who play the role of mindless damsels in distress and the bad boy who gives up his bad ways to be with the girl he loves, you’ll probably get some enjoyment out of this movie.

As for me, I enjoyed the fact that Vampires Suck helped show the world just how useless the Twilight Saga really is. It wasn’t a wrap-your-hands-around-your-stomach-tears falling-from-your-eyes type of comedy so don’t go in expecting to be roaring with laughter. But if you need a break from all the Twilight lovers out there and don’t want to feel so alone in making fun of it, then go check it out. But truthfully, you can wait to dollar box it (redbox). It’s not really worth the price of admission.

Rated: PG-13

Running Time: 115 minutes

Director: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

Rating: 2 stars/10 stars