Back in December we debuted our first Tacky Merchandise which was a True Blood Edition. With the True Blood Season 3 Premiere right around the corner, we seized the opportunity to do another and OBS Tacky Merchandise True Blood Edition Part 2 was born.  Feast your eyes on a variety of new True Blood items you can make fun of.  All of these items are marketed under the heading of True Blood hence it’s inclusion. As always, there is the possibility you might actually like some of these items and that’s okay.

DC UNLIMITED TRUE BLOOD BUSTS

Sookie Stackhouse, Bill Compton and Eric Northman now move to your shelf. Dust not included.

The busts measure approximately 6.75″ high. Each bust is sold separately and is packaged in a 4-color box. Each editions retails for $69.99.

Why is this tacky? First of all, why cut them all off at the legs like some poor war veteran who accidentally walked on a land mine? Why not make it an entire figure statue? We want all 6’ 4” of Eric, (sized down appropriately of course), we do not want him cut in half. Second, they originally teased us with the busts looking like the figure above.

That is NOT what they look like. This is what they actually look like. Only Sookie has a near perfect resemblance.

I scream false advertisement!  On some websites, they still show the superimposed photo busts. Folks…when you open your package you will be sorely surprised.  You can thank me later.

BRIDE AND GROOM IN COFFIN BOX

How morbid! Not only that, they sell for $98 dollars!!! I don’t care if they are vintage dolls from the 1950’s. The only thing this is good for is a gift for your soon to be sister-in-law (that you hate) as a gag gift because you feel the relationship is doomed. I say stick with the blender.

TRUE BLOOD CRYSTAL HEART LEATHER WATCH

True Blood and bling do not go together whatsoever. Tacky, tacky, tacky. When I think of True Blood, I expect the adjectives black, moody, dark, blood, etc. Not shiny disco balls.

FANGTASIA GANGSTER SUNGLASSES

The irony is not lost on us, but scrawling Fantasia across a pair of ‘I’m-in-the-silver-headed-age-bracket-and-live-in-Century-Village” sunglasses does not a good True Blood item make. Honestly those sunglasses that the elderly wear do have a vampiristic quality to them since they block out any trace of sunlight whatsoever. Secondly, the only thing gangster about them is if your in a gang and decide to wear these, you will surely get a beat down. Epic fail.

TRUE BLOOD ERIC AND SOOKIE WALL CLOCK

As you gaze at the hours passing, the image of Sookie and Eric burn your retinas…FOREVER . Boring. I say…why not just superimpose your own head over Sookie’s? Doesn’t it make more sense? Throw that beeatch out of the equation. You know you want to.

VAMPIRE LOVE BITES CHOKER

Okay, while this is cool for about one minute and it is quite creative, it soon becomes tacky. Why would you want to everyone to think your hurt? Oh, you’re an attention whore. Got it.

This is great for Halloween, nothing else.

TRUE BLOOD ERIC NORTHMAN CHARM EARRINGS

You’re a die hard Eric Northman fan. So are half the people who watch True Blood. But do you really have to wear him on your earlobes? Do you think he will whisper sweet nothing in your ear? That’s just your schizophrenia talking. The bottom line, it’s like wearing Christmas earrings…just plain TACKY!!

TRUE BLOOD SOCK CLUB

Not so tacky…just quite confusing.

True Blood Sock club is a club that makes socks with yarns inspired by characters or events from the series True Blood? Well, not really, it’s just yarn.

Each month you will receive (2) 100g skein superwash sockyarn and pricing for said  yarn is $96.

Call me naïve, but how can yarn be inspired by True Blood? Do they use colors such as Undead Umber, Bitten Flesh, Blood Red and Shifter Sage?  Just when you think you have seen everything, something like this comes along.

We hope you have enjoyed this Tacky Merchandise edition. True Blood Season 3 premieres June 13, 2010 on HBO.