Vampires Suck Review!
The scam artists responsible for Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie are back with their latest con, Vampires Suck, one of those rare movies with a self-reviewing title. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer are widely reviled as the most untalented filmmaking hacks in the business today.
The mental anguish of Vampires Suck began immediately with a hopelessly incompetent opening sequence that wraps around to the climax set at the high school prom. The alleged jokes in this pre-title portion included teenage girls representing “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” hitting one another with shovels, a naked sparkling vampire with a glimmering disco ball covering his privates, a vampire drinking a bottle of “True Blood”, another vampire applying suntan lotion, and a vampire revealing a single triangular fang like that you’d see on a vampire chipmunk, which, by the way, we will actually get one of later on. By the time the title appeared on the screen, I was fully prepared for an experience about as enjoyable as teabagging a blender.
‘Black Swan’ Trailer Followed By Creepy ‘Black Swan’ Poster
If you haven’t yet watched the trailer for Darren Aronofsky’s “Black Swan,” released last night, do yourself a favor and go take a look.
Early descriptions suggested that star Mila Kunis’s character might in fact be a figment of fellow star Natalie Portman’s imagination, which led me to regard the movie as a sort of female-driven “Fight Club.” I’m not sure what to think after this trailer though; a lot of wacky stuff going on. There are clearly some mommy issues for Portman’s character, but there are just as clearly some supernatural elements at work. My hope is that future trailers keep things mysterious and unclear, as I’d love to go into this one and be surprised. Aronofsky has a knack for telling telling unusual stories.
I have no intention of seeing Vampires Suck, do you? It doesn’t look in the least bit interesting let alone worth my time or money.
Black Swan looks good though. From what I’ve seen, Natalia Portman nails being tortured by something she doesn’t understand. What do you think of the trailer?
