www.esquire.com: Forget everything you’ve read about vampires so far. The current bloodsucking trend, achieving maximum ferocity in November with the release of the sequel to Twilight, isn’t about outsiders or immigrants or religion or even AIDS, as critics and bloggers have argued ad nauseam these past few months. There’s a much better, simpler, more obvious explanation: Vampires have overwhelmed pop culture because young straight women want to have sex with gay men.

All these earlier iterations of the theme are not at all like vampire fiction today. Our vampires are normal. They’re not Goth, they’re not scary, they’re not even that weird. This fall’s big vampire show is on the CW, the Gossip Girl network, and its producer also brought the world Dawson’s Creek.

And so vampires have appeared to help America process its newfound acceptance of what so many once thought strange or abnormal. Adam and Steve who live on your corner with their adorable little son and run a bakery? The transgendered man who gave birth to a healthy baby? The teenage girl who wishes that all boys could be vampires? All part of the luscious and terrifying magic of today’s sexual revolution.

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What are your thoughts on this? Are they really gay?