We know you’ve been waiting patiently for the next installment of Tacky Merchandise. This month’s edition is all about Ghosts. Ghostly things can be cool, cute and cuddly which we of course cannot find tacky, so this was a scavenger hunt to say the least. Without further yapping, here is OBS’s Tacky Merchandise Ghosts Edition.

CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST EARRINGS

Something about ghoulish and gold don’t really mix. Maybe if it didn’t have the tacky gold overlay around its edges and maybe if it didn’t have the morbid RIP headstones attached it could be considered cute. But for the reasons aforementioned it has turned into a something quite tacky indeed. I deem it wearable for Christmas Sweater Set (see Hand Beaded Ghost necklace for details).

GHOST GLITTER MAKE-UP

Girls obsess over bright, rich, colorful and fun cosmetics-but have you ever thought of the basics? Ghost is 100% matte, perfect white that is almost essential in getting a perfect color blend.

Sure it’s cool to wear some ghostly glitter, but giiiirrrl, the marketing is way off. Couldn’t they have found a better way to photograph this without it look like a heaping help of, well, nose candy? Take advice from MAC marketing, photograph the whole glitter pot, not just the powder. Not only cheap and tacky but quite confusing enough to get yourself in a heap of trouble.

PACMAN INKY GHOST CROCHET HAT

A for effort, but T for Tacky. Nothing says “I’m an eternal 12 year old like this googly-eyed crochet concoction. Are  you looking to keep your head warm or just look ridiculous?  Even most 12 year olds would flat our refuse to wear this. Like the eternal saying tells us….Less is more. Ditch the ooooh-I-collect-puffy-stickers-with-googly-eyes look. Stat!

PINKY THE ARCADE GHOST HAT

Not meaning to turn this into a Pacman revival but OMG. No, no, no, no!!!!  Take it off. I wouldn’t even model for this item.  Poor girl. If your thinking of wearing this to Ascot, just be prepared for some cock-eyed looks. The hats at that event are wild, but not tacky. Your a child of the 80’s….I get it.  However your better off sticking to playing old Pacman video games on your out-of-date Atari 2600 console in your basement to show your obvious borderline obsession.

GHOST ADOPTION

Trying to find a gift for the person who has everything? Have already bought  them a little piece of the sky and had their name attached to a star with Star Registery?  How about a Ghost?  Well for 12 bucks (you cheap bastard!), you can get that special someone their very own ghost.  Since they will never actually see their present, your paying for an illusion.  Scrap the $12 dollar piece of paper and take them to the movies to see Panormal Activity instead. You don’t see any ghosts in the film either.

If you’re still interested here is the product description:

“Guaranteed you will be impressed with the credentials of the ghost you receive. Be very sure you want to do this as once the adoption papers go in the mail, there is no turning back. What you will receive is the official cover letter with the official haunted seal (see photo) and stapled to that the description and instructions for your ghost. Also included is a small personal object from the ghost that will help make this connection. Just set it on a table or shelf and leave it there”.

Sounds like if you change your mind the ghost will probably turn all Exorcist on your ass, so order with caution.

HAND BEADED GHOST NECKLACE

This is without a doubt an item for the Christmas Sweater Wearing set, that must wear clothing and accessories to prove they are in the holiday spirit. I just….ugh. Get rid of the ghost and it’s not that bad. But for $40…the ghost absolutely ruins it. Not to mention it looks like a Shrinky Dink.

GHOST POOPIE HUMOROUS GREETING CARD

The product description states “The life of these cards can go on and on. Put them in a little frame and sit them on your shelf or desk, stick them on your fridge or tape them to your office door…you get the idea. Spread the joy.”

Just what I want to be reminded of when I look in the fridge for a bite….Poop!  Thanks for the placement idea. Just like every other poop related product one gets…this will make you chuckle once and be banished to a drawer, forever. Save the $3.50 plus shipping costs.

CEMETERY PHOTOGRAPH

Cemeteries conjur up ghosts, so I thought this a fitting entry into this edition of Tacky Merchandise. A photograph of a headstone. Why on earth would anyone want to buy this for $10?  Go out and take your own. At least you’ll have a photo with a epitaph, which in turn makes the photo more interesting.  Unless your really into morbid items, it’s tacky. No offense.

PATRICK SWAYZE GHOST PENDANT

Straight up no!  It borders on art imitating life, due to the fact that Mr. Swayze is sadly no longer with us.  For this, it borders on tacky and punny.  Instead buy the DVD. If you agree with me, just say “Ditto”.

We hope you enjoyed this edition of Tacky Merchandise. Last month our edition was themed after Lost, if you haven’t seen it, go check it out here. You can also leave us comments on what theme you would like to see on Tacky Merchandise. Ideas are always welcome.

With the final season of Lost in full swing, we decided to honor the show in this months Tacky Merchandise. Since Lost is practically a cult classic even before it has ended, anything Lost related can be considered cool, so you might actually like some of what we highlight and some even go hand in hand. Here we go.

DHARMA Initiative Mosaic LOST TV Show Coaster

Hundreds of tiny LOST related pictures make up the Dharma symbol. Rich colored image applied to quality canvas and encased in acrylic.

What better way to capture the drippy condensation from your Dharma Initiative beer than with this Lost Mosaic Coaster.  Show your true Lost fanatical side that will be the envy of all your friends. And as you raise that beer can you can also show off the next item on our list…

DHARMA Initiative Cuff Links

Unfortunately, you won’t be able to guzzle back that beer in relaxed style, you will have to be wearing a nice button down collared shirt.  Heck, you’ll be the best dressed at the next keg party. Don’t fret though, if  your best bud is a tacky purchaser, the next item on our list might help your comfort.

LOST Dharma Beer T-Shirt

Oh my lord….this is sooo tackaaayyy!  This do-it-yourself-iron-on look, brings tacky to a whole new level.  But if your drinking Dharma beer I wouldn’t be surprised. Now if you could only get your hands on some real Dharma beer, your life will be complete, especially with this next item.

LOST Dharma Mixed Island Nuts

Keep em’ thirsty for the non-existant Dharma beer with some fake Dharma salty nuts. Maybe if you eat a few and drink enough you will see Polar Bears in your living room. I have an idea. Next time fool guests or even yourself, by mastering Photoshop, print out some of your own labels and anything in your pantry can resemble the Dharma pantry.

Frank Lapidus – CC Star Vintage Necktie Coin Purse

Relive the breath halting episode of when the helicopter crashed into the ocean, everytime you need some coinage.  It’s also great for looking for change when your playing quarters with your friends. Wink.

LOST Oceanic Airlines Luggage

“Never lose your items. Your bag will look like it just came flight 815 (or any other Oceanic Flight).”

Uh, right. It’s more like play with your fate. Attach this sucker to your luggage and see what happens.  Never mind that, you can totally confuse TSA and have some fun all at once.  You can even use the next item to really screw with their heads as you’re passing through the security check point…and possibly get pulled aside for additional questioning.  You didn’t have to catch that flight did you?

ABC TV show LOST prop Kate Airline Flight 815 2 Tickets

Show these at the boarding gate and you will surely make all everyone ‘lost’. “Security!!!”

Lost Characters Stitchmarkers  (baby bracelet)

Aww, how cute.  Even someone who is a Lost fanatic will have a hard time with these. They scream baby bracelet! I highly doubt your baby is a Lost fan.  Maybe they would work for a Lost Themed baby shower. Hey, whatever floats your freighter boat, right? Wait…are you naming your child Aaron? Is your name Claire? (Cue the Twilight Zone music). What ever you do don’t drink anything a man name Ethan gives you.

LOST Hanso Foundation Dharma Las Vegas Casino Poker Chip

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. It’s worth zilch at any casino. It’s a piece of plastic and it’s going for $5?  I’m just shaking my head.

LOST TV SHOW COLLECTOR OCEANIC FLIGHT 815 PILOT WINGS

I remember when they used to give these out, during the Pan Am days. Do you remember Pan Am? No? Well, that’s because they’re not in existence (any longer), which is something in common with Oceanic Flight 815.  If you need to spend $12 on plastic wings, you need to get out more.

LOST Dharma Wall, Table Clock

Just what you need to check the time and make sure you’re pressing the Hatch button in time. Doesn’t need batteries and time tripping is not included.

We hope you enjoyed this months Tacky Merchandise edition. Would you actually purchase any of these items? Come on, you can tell us.

It’s that time again. What time you ask…well, it’s time for OBS Tacky Merchandise.  This week we will be highlighting Tacky Merchandise pertaining to all things ‘Fantasy’. Get your mind out of the gutter, not that type of fantasy, more like dragons and unicorns.  Sorry to disappoint you, but rest assured you will enjoy this one. Again, you might find some items you actually like, and that’s okay.

UNICORN CROSSING SIGN

We started off with a sign last time, so we might as well this time. This sign is a collector’s item and it’s waterproof, just in case you want to stake it down near your property and confuse or delight everyone driving by your house. Or…it can be used indoors. I mean, what if your reading “The Last Unicorn’, and the unicorn pops out, pulling a Jumanji on you. A sign as such would be most needed. I think we’d rather have a vampire crossing sign…or rather Vampire Can’t Cross sign, because vamps are in, and because it’s funnier.  Can’t Cross, get it…you need to invite them in. Oh…forget it.

FAIRY DUST UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA

The description sells itself: “Now, you can prove your expertise and take pride in your passion with an official Fairy Dust University Diploma certificate from our humorously fictional college! It may be completely fake but you (or anyone else) would never know by looking at it. It looks so completely real that you will be amazed. It even has an official gold embossed foil seal for added authenticity!”

You want all your friends to think you’re uneducated? Then certainly do take pride in your fake ridiculous diploma. You earned that gold embossed foil seal of authenticity of absolutely nothing.  Heck, hang it in your office. I’m sure that would go over well with your clients. You won’t even need a hammer and a nail, you can just twinkle your fake fairy nose and poof, it’s hung.

FANTASY DRAGON MEN’S SPORTS WATCH

What every fantasy geek, Dungeons and Dragon playing, guy or girl needs (even though it states it’s a men’s watch, it is unisex). Show off your stainless steel hunk of fire breathing brilliance to all your fellow dragon loving friends. There’s a plus…it’s replete with the Devil’s Star. Just the piece of jewelry that would make Anton Levy proud and scare away any of the straight-laced friends you might have left.

FANTASY DECORATION HANGING 6” SCARY SKULL

Really? It’s a decoration? Maybe if your Captain Spaulding. It’s more like a Halloween mask! However, I could see this fitting right in a special effects assistant’s home. But other than that, if it were any larger the only place it should decorate is your face. What about that price? $17 dollars? This item on e-bay is from Thailand. I thought things were cheaper in Asia. Or is that just China? I’d stick with a $4 dollar CVS or Walgreens Halloween mask than spend any money on this overpriced decorative product. 

PLEASURE SEX FANTASY STONE

The description:

This Vampire Blood Stone Draws the Object of your Desire to you completely! Experience Wild, Passionate Days and Long, Erotic Nights! Whether you are searching for a New Someone Special, or are wanting to rekindle the Flames of Love, this Magic Amulet is for You! The Brilliantly Faceted Vampire’s Blood Stone is an Exceptional Garnet, with Ancient Vampire Magic!

Ancient vampire magic???? Yea… I think one needs to be stoned to think this stone will work that kind of magic. I have a bridge in China I want to sell to you too…interested???

DIRGIBLE BUMPER STICKER

Do you still put bumper stickers on you car, standing strong and mighty against the idea that it might hinder the re-sale factor – …then this might be for you. The only thing is, most of the population will ‘not get it’, so what the hell is the point. If they have to squint and cause a minor traffic accident to creep up on your vehicle to figure out what the graphic is on the sticker… then your just a road hazard waiting to happen.

HANDCRAFTED TROLL PENDANT

Ok, I’m trying hard not to laugh and if you can’t figure out why, I won’t tell you. But let’s just say it fits in with Fantasy and with Phallusy. I’ll shut my mouth now. Besides which, it’s ugly. I know trolls are supposed to be, but why would you want to wear an ugly troll around your neck. 

BURGUNDY MAGIC COUCH AND MIRROR SET

Fairy not included.

Wow, I’m kind of speechless, yet quite intrigued. Dare I say, we might like this? I can see this in a tattoo artist’s lair, it would fit in perfectly. But for everyday living, it’s a bit much.

STRIP FANTASY GLASSES (circa 1984)

Ok, ok, it’s not exactly ‘fantasy’ in the sense that we speak of…but I’m adding it for its mucho tacky factor. If you own these, or want to own these, please go back to living in your parent’s basement. Please! What? Your still there. Woops. Thought so.

This concludes the OBS Tacky Merchandise Fantasy Edition. We hoped you enjoyed. Please do comment, we’d love to hear your thoughts. Also, let us know the type of merchandise you would like to see in the future…ideas are most welcome.

See you next time.

OBS has yet another new monthly feature that we have added to our growing roster called ‘Tacky Merchandise’.  We scour the nets to find the tackiest, useless, or overrated merchandise out there, so you don’t have to.  Some of you might actually like these items, and that’s quite alright. On the other hand, you just might get a good laugh out of it. Regardless, we hope you enjoy this edition.

SORRY WE’RE DEAD SIGN

This True Blood inspired sign, when you think about it, it not funny nor cute. Maybe, just maybe, it could be used for Halloween, but otherwise, it’s just plain tasteless.  But who am I to say because if you wanted to get your hands on one, it’s Sold Out. Go figure.

ERIC NORTHMAN – GLOW IN THE DARK TRUE BLOOD SOAP

The bars are scented with the spooky sweet Dragon’s Blood fragrance. First of all, what exactly is Dragon Blood Scent?  Secondly, I can see this being a perfect addition for any Alexander Skarsgard stalker collection, for this is the closest he’ll ever get to your bod. Any smart gal’s boyfriend wouldn’t want to use it if this were in her shower. So, I think it’s a no-no.

ERIC NORTHMAN CHARM

How do we know it’s Eric? There’s no face or any other distinguishing marks for that matter, besides the obvious blonde locks.  Eric doesn’t dress this way either, he’s usually outfitted in a nice form fitting tank and some rocking jeans. This could be a nun that lost her habit, or someone in mourning for all we know. FAIL.

MOSAIC VAMPIRE STAKE

What can you actually use this for? Do you live in Transylvania? Even Transylvanians know there aren’t really any vampires. Ok, so it’s a conversation piece, but where will you display it? On your coffee table? I don’t know about you, but as far as a decorative item, it’s pushing it.

TRUE BLOOD CIGARETTE CASE

This is definitely an ironic item. Cigarettes cause cancer, which causes death, vampire’s are already dead, you get the picture. If you smoke you don’t need the constant reminder of your impending doom by looking at a bottle of sustenance for dead people, heck, have a vampire bite you instead. Then you can smoke and live forever.

LIPPY FANG CATNIP TOY

Last but not least, behold, the Lippy Fang catnip toy, just what every cat needs, otherwise he wouldn’t play with catnip, right? It will be gone so fast, growing dustballs and collecting tumbleweeds under your couch faster than you can say True Blood.  Do yourself a favor, cut up an old sock thrown some catnip in, sew it up and call it a day. Trust me, your cat won’t know the difference.

Which are your favorite in being most tacky? Are there any mentioned that you actually like and would purchase?