Not all toys are cute and cuddly. In this OBS Tacky Merchandise Edition we cover Horror Toys that are sure to raise some eyebrows and some heartbeats.  As we always say, some of you might find these creepy finds more cute than tacky and that’s okay.

Organic Catnip Toys

Send your cat into a murderous frenzy with these creepy catnip toys. Be sure to give  your poor momma heart failure too when she comes over to visit and sees kitty playing with a meat cleaver.

Anatomical Crochet Heart

As the description states: Show your loved one how you really feel! This unique amigurumi heart has been crocheted with love using red acrylic yarn, stitched with blue yarn veins, and stuffed fill of love! Not intended for children.

Yes, only for adults…to show their  undying love. Great for serial killers, mass murderers and for all you loyal stalkers out that that want to prove their love to the object of your desire.

My Little Pony Edward Scissorhands

Have a child or little sister who loves the macabre? I gather this would be a perfect edition to their horror toy collection.  I can see this in the room of Wednesday Addams, lying neatly on the shelves next to her Meat Cleaver catnip toys.

Zombie Brain In a Jar

Perfect for all those budding mad scientists. Just don’t freak out when you pass your kid’s bedroom and you hear them scream “IT’S ALIVE!”. Top naming suggestion for this item: Abby Normal.

Van Gogh Ear

Another little gruesome trinket for those artsy types that you can give your cat. The Van Gogh Ear catnip toy. I actually like this one.

Centipede Bracelet

Okay, not a toy exactly, but it once was a jelly bug toy. Now it’s wrist wear. This is so tacky it’s beyond belief. It gives me the willies just looking at it. The only person this item is good for is an entomologist. (Shudders)

Twilight Team Jacob Robot Toy

Yes this was sectioned under Horror. Behold the Team Jacob…robot? Some may find this cute. Just a little tacky for our taste.

Robbie the Rabbit Plush Toy

This is NOT Bugs Bunny. More like his brother who ate Elmer Fudd. It’s Robbie the Rabbit. Perfect for Silent Hill fans who like a little blood and gore.

Zombie Astro Boy Figurine

I love horror but this is a little overboard on the gore. It’s hard to look at this makes it tacky.

Euthanasia Bunny

We saved the best for last…the epitome of all horror toys…the Euthanasia Bunny. Can we say issues? It’s like a science project put together by Ed Gein. I’m speechless.

We hope you enjoyed this ghoulish Horror Toys Edition of Tacky Merchandise. Comments are welcome.

Just like with vampires, the love of zombies will never die, and neither do they. These supernatural creature won’t be going away any time soon, whether it be through art, film or products. This month Open Book Society takes a look at Tacky Merchandise involving zombies. As we always stipulate, you just might like some of these items and would even purchase them. However we won’t hold it against you.

Fake Eyeball Gauge Earring

No adult in their right mind would wear these, except on Halloween. We like how the description needed to tell us they are fake. Lose (normal) friends and win ghoulish enemies with these beauties.

Samantha and Darren The Zombie Couple

The only way these would work is if you embellish on where you got them. Tell everyone they are actual shrunken heads from a tribe in Amazon Rain Forest, given to you by the head chief of the tribe and you could possibly get away with owning these tacky items.

Zombie Dress

With this dress you’ll either cause of mob scene, or you’ll get arrested for murder before you can say the word ‘Zombie’. Anyone can do this to their clothing, why would we need to buy a cute dress totally ruined?

Left For Dead First Aid Pin

Silvertone charm pin with Left 4 Dead plastic first aid and health enhancements charms (one sided only, back is plain white). Includes: First Aid Kit, Adrenaline Shot, Pain Pills and Defibrillator.  One word…why? Now, if it came with all these items in miniature then it would be pretty darn cool.

Virgin Mary Zombie

I don’t think anyone remotely religious would appreciate this Zombie Virgin Mary necklace that looks like a rosary. It would offend more than it would be a cool conversation piece, therefore we deem it tacky!

Zombie Salt Shaker

Kinda looks like Puff the Magic Dragon. Where’s the blood and gore? (It is a great attempt, but it’s more cute than ghoulish)) for that but we’d have to pass on this.

Dismember Me Plushy

We’re not sure if this is tacky, or awesome. We’d say tacky for children and awesome for adults. I don’t think a small child would appreciate a toy that breaks into pieces.  Poor thing will think you broke it and start wailing. That’s never a good thing.

‘HOW TO SPEAK ZOMBIE’ BOOK

Learn how to say “Mmmmmgggrrr….brrrrrraaaaiinnsss”, just in case one you meet a Zombie. One of the Zombieland rules did not include speaking to them. You just need to run for your life not hold a conversation with one.

GLOW IN THE DARK ZOMBIE PLAY SET

Perfect for the child who’s into the macabre. Or the adult who never grew up. They remind me of those Homies figurines (which I have a whole bag of mind you…don’t ask.) If you owned both you can organize a play date with the two. Oya vato!

CRAWLING ZOMBIE TOY

Take it one step further and get this monstrosity. Scare the crap out of your kid sister next time she acts up. Play this sucker in her bed and watch the hilarity ensue. Like The Clapper, you clap your hands or tap it’s hand and the Crawling Zombie comes to life racing across a flat surface and it talks! How delightfully evil and tacky.

UNDEAD JEWELRY: ZOMBIE BEAR CHARM

Wear this and you just might blend into the Zombie hipster crowd. I almost feel sorry for it. It looks so creepy yet sad. I can’t look at it. There is more were these came from if your into this kind of jewelry.

DATE A ZOMBIE

We saved the best for last…

If your pool of potential dates has dried up and all hope is lost…there is hope for you. Zombie Harmony. Find that person someone, even if they’re dead. Tacky but hilarious!

We hope you enjoyed this edition of OBS Tacky Merchandise, see you next month.

Back in December we debuted our first Tacky Merchandise which was a True Blood Edition. With the True Blood Season 3 Premiere right around the corner, we seized the opportunity to do another and OBS Tacky Merchandise True Blood Edition Part 2 was born.  Feast your eyes on a variety of new True Blood items you can make fun of.  All of these items are marketed under the heading of True Blood hence it’s inclusion. As always, there is the possibility you might actually like some of these items and that’s okay.

DC UNLIMITED TRUE BLOOD BUSTS

Sookie Stackhouse, Bill Compton and Eric Northman now move to your shelf. Dust not included.

The busts measure approximately 6.75″ high. Each bust is sold separately and is packaged in a 4-color box. Each editions retails for $69.99.

Why is this tacky? First of all, why cut them all off at the legs like some poor war veteran who accidentally walked on a land mine? Why not make it an entire figure statue? We want all 6’ 4” of Eric, (sized down appropriately of course), we do not want him cut in half. Second, they originally teased us with the busts looking like the figure above.

That is NOT what they look like. This is what they actually look like. Only Sookie has a near perfect resemblance.

I scream false advertisement!  On some websites, they still show the superimposed photo busts. Folks…when you open your package you will be sorely surprised.  You can thank me later.

BRIDE AND GROOM IN COFFIN BOX

How morbid! Not only that, they sell for $98 dollars!!! I don’t care if they are vintage dolls from the 1950’s. The only thing this is good for is a gift for your soon to be sister-in-law (that you hate) as a gag gift because you feel the relationship is doomed. I say stick with the blender.

TRUE BLOOD CRYSTAL HEART LEATHER WATCH

True Blood and bling do not go together whatsoever. Tacky, tacky, tacky. When I think of True Blood, I expect the adjectives black, moody, dark, blood, etc. Not shiny disco balls.

FANGTASIA GANGSTER SUNGLASSES

The irony is not lost on us, but scrawling Fantasia across a pair of ‘I’m-in-the-silver-headed-age-bracket-and-live-in-Century-Village” sunglasses does not a good True Blood item make. Honestly those sunglasses that the elderly wear do have a vampiristic quality to them since they block out any trace of sunlight whatsoever. Secondly, the only thing gangster about them is if your in a gang and decide to wear these, you will surely get a beat down. Epic fail.

TRUE BLOOD ERIC AND SOOKIE WALL CLOCK

As you gaze at the hours passing, the image of Sookie and Eric burn your retinas…FOREVER . Boring. I say…why not just superimpose your own head over Sookie’s? Doesn’t it make more sense? Throw that beeatch out of the equation. You know you want to.

VAMPIRE LOVE BITES CHOKER

Okay, while this is cool for about one minute and it is quite creative, it soon becomes tacky. Why would you want to everyone to think your hurt? Oh, you’re an attention whore. Got it.

This is great for Halloween, nothing else.

TRUE BLOOD ERIC NORTHMAN CHARM EARRINGS

You’re a die hard Eric Northman fan. So are half the people who watch True Blood. But do you really have to wear him on your earlobes? Do you think he will whisper sweet nothing in your ear? That’s just your schizophrenia talking. The bottom line, it’s like wearing Christmas earrings…just plain TACKY!!

TRUE BLOOD SOCK CLUB

Not so tacky…just quite confusing.

True Blood Sock club is a club that makes socks with yarns inspired by characters or events from the series True Blood? Well, not really, it’s just yarn.

Each month you will receive (2) 100g skein superwash sockyarn and pricing for said  yarn is $96.

Call me naïve, but how can yarn be inspired by True Blood? Do they use colors such as Undead Umber, Bitten Flesh, Blood Red and Shifter Sage?  Just when you think you have seen everything, something like this comes along.

We hope you have enjoyed this Tacky Merchandise edition. True Blood Season 3 premieres June 13, 2010 on HBO.

This month OpenBook Society is bringing you a Tacky Merchandise Edition that is out of this world…with ALIENS!

Brought to you by OBS Staff member Rose.

FOUR GIANT 63 INCH INFLATE ALIEN

If your out-of-this-world kinky (and tacky) and are in need of a cheap blow-up doll…this giant alien inflatable is just for you.  Why spend hundreds of dollars on the real-life dolls? Aliens need love too.  And you can give it to four of them for $25.

ALIEN SHOWER CURTAIN

Just what every adult needs…an alien shower curtain. Don’t you know it’s vampire and werewolf season, not alien season. Or…..maybe you want your new blow-up alien companion to feel at home and see another familiar face. Only then…it’s okay. Otherwise…it’s tacky.

COIN COPPER ROSWELL NM 50TH ALIEN UFO ANNIVERSARY

Didn’t have enough money for that planned Winnebago trip to Roswell? Make believe you went and show everyone your Copper Roswell coin. Why else would you want to buy this cheap and tacky item? Oh yea….to show your new inflatable alien girlfriends your hip. I forgot.

ALIEN SPACESHIP WHISTLE

Is this like a dog whistle…where only alien’s can hear it?  Now that would be something. Otherwise, all it is, is a cheap, yet not so cheap piece of plastic… for $20 dollars!!!

1/35 PART ASSEMBLED HALCYON ALIENS APC SCI-FI TANK

Product Description: This is a partially assembled 4 wheeled APC from the film Aliens. Produced by Halcyon in the ’80s it is long out of production. The main body and the sub-assemblies are built, filled and sanded. A few additional pieces from the spares box have been attached. The model has been dry assembled for the pictures, the wheels and the two turrets are not glued in place. This model only requires final assembly and painting. All parts are complete with several detail parts still on their sprues. Also included are the box, instruction sheet and the minimal decal sheet.

There’s two ways to acquire such an item. First, it is unopened and sealed, preserved in all its antiquity and will be saved as such, for prosperity.  Isn’t that how it’s value stays intact?

Second…ok it’s opened, but it’s unassembled. This gives YOU the purchaser, the pleasure of spending your Sundays putting it together, hence there is some ROI.  Time well spent.

However, a partially assembled unit is just plain TACKY!!!

FAROUT ALIEN PEACE SIGN EMBRODIERED PATCH

Haven’t we learned aliens never come in peace. This patch is so outdated it’s unbelievable. Keep smoking the wacky tobacky and believe aliens come to share their worldly knowledge with us.  Take note from Independence Day, The Day The Earth Stood Still and V the TV show….Aliens are NOT peaceful. It’s not the 60’s anymore. Lay off the Peace Pipe!

ALIEN DRIVERS LICENSE AREA 51 PERMIT

Wanna buy a beer but your underage? Flash em your Alien Drivers License. They couldn’t possibly deny you a cold one, since your…what?….300 light years old.   Maybe they won’t notice your license says your orange (hey I thought aliens were green!), have a bulbous head and stand only 3 feet tall. Hey, for only $3 bucks it’s worth a try, no?

SPACESHIP…YES A SPACESHIP

We saved the best for last.

The ultimate in travel. Since you have your alien license, you can obviously drive this thing and not get a ticket.

Sellers Description: This space ship is in excellent condition! Only 300 million Intergalactic miles, 4 passenger, no meteor dents, possibly needs reactor seals and recharged flux capacitor, 1 owner. Still have the original owners manual. Does have a wobble issue at Mach 12 but clears once it hits 15. Complete with bubble glass windows! Never crashed! For sale $3500 OBO.

Screw traveling Virgin Galactic’s airways. Why deal with the intergalactic hussle and bussle. This is ultimate in private space travel.  Oil can and crash helmet not included.

We know you’ve been waiting patiently for the next installment of Tacky Merchandise. This month’s edition is all about Ghosts. Ghostly things can be cool, cute and cuddly which we of course cannot find tacky, so this was a scavenger hunt to say the least. Without further yapping, here is OBS’s Tacky Merchandise Ghosts Edition.

CASPER THE FRIENDLY GHOST EARRINGS

Something about ghoulish and gold don’t really mix. Maybe if it didn’t have the tacky gold overlay around its edges and maybe if it didn’t have the morbid RIP headstones attached it could be considered cute. But for the reasons aforementioned it has turned into a something quite tacky indeed. I deem it wearable for Christmas Sweater Set (see Hand Beaded Ghost necklace for details).

GHOST GLITTER MAKE-UP

Girls obsess over bright, rich, colorful and fun cosmetics-but have you ever thought of the basics? Ghost is 100% matte, perfect white that is almost essential in getting a perfect color blend.

Sure it’s cool to wear some ghostly glitter, but giiiirrrl, the marketing is way off. Couldn’t they have found a better way to photograph this without it look like a heaping help of, well, nose candy? Take advice from MAC marketing, photograph the whole glitter pot, not just the powder. Not only cheap and tacky but quite confusing enough to get yourself in a heap of trouble.

PACMAN INKY GHOST CROCHET HAT

A for effort, but T for Tacky. Nothing says “I’m an eternal 12 year old like this googly-eyed crochet concoction. Are  you looking to keep your head warm or just look ridiculous?  Even most 12 year olds would flat our refuse to wear this. Like the eternal saying tells us….Less is more. Ditch the ooooh-I-collect-puffy-stickers-with-googly-eyes look. Stat!

PINKY THE ARCADE GHOST HAT

Not meaning to turn this into a Pacman revival but OMG. No, no, no, no!!!!  Take it off. I wouldn’t even model for this item.  Poor girl. If your thinking of wearing this to Ascot, just be prepared for some cock-eyed looks. The hats at that event are wild, but not tacky. Your a child of the 80′s….I get it.  However your better off sticking to playing old Pacman video games on your out-of-date Atari 2600 console in your basement to show your obvious borderline obsession.

GHOST ADOPTION

Trying to find a gift for the person who has everything? Have already bought  them a little piece of the sky and had their name attached to a star with Star Registery?  How about a Ghost?  Well for 12 bucks (you cheap bastard!), you can get that special someone their very own ghost.  Since they will never actually see their present, your paying for an illusion.  Scrap the $12 dollar piece of paper and take them to the movies to see Panormal Activity instead. You don’t see any ghosts in the film either.

If you’re still interested here is the product description:

“Guaranteed you will be impressed with the credentials of the ghost you receive. Be very sure you want to do this as once the adoption papers go in the mail, there is no turning back. What you will receive is the official cover letter with the official haunted seal (see photo) and stapled to that the description and instructions for your ghost. Also included is a small personal object from the ghost that will help make this connection. Just set it on a table or shelf and leave it there”.

Sounds like if you change your mind the ghost will probably turn all Exorcist on your ass, so order with caution.

HAND BEADED GHOST NECKLACE

This is without a doubt an item for the Christmas Sweater Wearing set, that must wear clothing and accessories to prove they are in the holiday spirit. I just….ugh. Get rid of the ghost and it’s not that bad. But for $40…the ghost absolutely ruins it. Not to mention it looks like a Shrinky Dink.

GHOST POOPIE HUMOROUS GREETING CARD

The product description states “The life of these cards can go on and on. Put them in a little frame and sit them on your shelf or desk, stick them on your fridge or tape them to your office door…you get the idea. Spread the joy.”

Just what I want to be reminded of when I look in the fridge for a bite….Poop!  Thanks for the placement idea. Just like every other poop related product one gets…this will make you chuckle once and be banished to a drawer, forever. Save the $3.50 plus shipping costs.

CEMETERY PHOTOGRAPH

Cemeteries conjur up ghosts, so I thought this a fitting entry into this edition of Tacky Merchandise. A photograph of a headstone. Why on earth would anyone want to buy this for $10?  Go out and take your own. At least you’ll have a photo with a epitaph, which in turn makes the photo more interesting.  Unless your really into morbid items, it’s tacky. No offense.

PATRICK SWAYZE GHOST PENDANT

Straight up no!  It borders on art imitating life, due to the fact that Mr. Swayze is sadly no longer with us.  For this, it borders on tacky and punny.  Instead buy the DVD. If you agree with me, just say “Ditto”.

We hope you enjoyed this edition of Tacky Merchandise. Last month our edition was themed after Lost, if you haven’t seen it, go check it out here. You can also leave us comments on what theme you would like to see on Tacky Merchandise. Ideas are always welcome.

With the final season of Lost in full swing, we decided to honor the show in this months Tacky Merchandise. Since Lost is practically a cult classic even before it has ended, anything Lost related can be considered cool, so you might actually like some of what we highlight and some even go hand in hand. Here we go.

DHARMA Initiative Mosaic LOST TV Show Coaster

Hundreds of tiny LOST related pictures make up the Dharma symbol. Rich colored image applied to quality canvas and encased in acrylic.

What better way to capture the drippy condensation from your Dharma Initiative beer than with this Lost Mosaic Coaster.  Show your true Lost fanatical side that will be the envy of all your friends. And as you raise that beer can you can also show off the next item on our list…

DHARMA Initiative Cuff Links

Unfortunately, you won’t be able to guzzle back that beer in relaxed style, you will have to be wearing a nice button down collared shirt.  Heck, you’ll be the best dressed at the next keg party. Don’t fret though, if  your best bud is a tacky purchaser, the next item on our list might help your comfort.

LOST Dharma Beer T-Shirt

Oh my lord….this is sooo tackaaayyy!  This do-it-yourself-iron-on look, brings tacky to a whole new level.  But if your drinking Dharma beer I wouldn’t be surprised. Now if you could only get your hands on some real Dharma beer, your life will be complete, especially with this next item.

LOST Dharma Mixed Island Nuts

Keep em’ thirsty for the non-existant Dharma beer with some fake Dharma salty nuts. Maybe if you eat a few and drink enough you will see Polar Bears in your living room. I have an idea. Next time fool guests or even yourself, by mastering Photoshop, print out some of your own labels and anything in your pantry can resemble the Dharma pantry.

Frank Lapidus – CC Star Vintage Necktie Coin Purse

Relive the breath halting episode of when the helicopter crashed into the ocean, everytime you need some coinage.  It’s also great for looking for change when your playing quarters with your friends. Wink.

LOST Oceanic Airlines Luggage

“Never lose your items. Your bag will look like it just came flight 815 (or any other Oceanic Flight).”

Uh, right. It’s more like play with your fate. Attach this sucker to your luggage and see what happens.  Never mind that, you can totally confuse TSA and have some fun all at once.  You can even use the next item to really screw with their heads as you’re passing through the security check point…and possibly get pulled aside for additional questioning.  You didn’t have to catch that flight did you?

ABC TV show LOST prop Kate Airline Flight 815 2 Tickets

Show these at the boarding gate and you will surely make all everyone ‘lost’. “Security!!!”

Lost Characters Stitchmarkers  (baby bracelet)

Aww, how cute.  Even someone who is a Lost fanatic will have a hard time with these. They scream baby bracelet! I highly doubt your baby is a Lost fan.  Maybe they would work for a Lost Themed baby shower. Hey, whatever floats your freighter boat, right? Wait…are you naming your child Aaron? Is your name Claire? (Cue the Twilight Zone music). What ever you do don’t drink anything a man name Ethan gives you.

LOST Hanso Foundation Dharma Las Vegas Casino Poker Chip

I don’t even know where to begin with this one. It’s worth zilch at any casino. It’s a piece of plastic and it’s going for $5?  I’m just shaking my head.

LOST TV SHOW COLLECTOR OCEANIC FLIGHT 815 PILOT WINGS

I remember when they used to give these out, during the Pan Am days. Do you remember Pan Am? No? Well, that’s because they’re not in existence (any longer), which is something in common with Oceanic Flight 815.  If you need to spend $12 on plastic wings, you need to get out more.

LOST Dharma Wall, Table Clock

Just what you need to check the time and make sure you’re pressing the Hatch button in time. Doesn’t need batteries and time tripping is not included.

We hope you enjoyed this months Tacky Merchandise edition. Would you actually purchase any of these items? Come on, you can tell us.